God's design for Marriage. Remarriage after divorce? To another while the "ex" is still alive? What should be the Christian Position?

NO, fulfill your vows! One violation does not permit two!

Remarriage for the Divorced?

Eugene F. Douglass M.Div. PhD

God’s Foundation for Marriage

            Let us go back to Genesis to see God’s foundation for marriage and what the institution means. Genesis 2:18, 21-24 give us this foundation. “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him”, and “for this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” If a man and a woman are truly ONE Flesh, they cannot be separated without damage to both. Only the death of one partner truly separates them without harm to either one, as death is a part of life, and it is God alone that sets the timing.

The Basis for Divorce

            Jesus Christ in Matthew 19 then brings up this passage, to describe what marriage truly means and what it had become because of the hardness of man’s hearts. He says, starting with verse 6, his standard for marriage. “Consequently, they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God joined together, let no man separate.” This is God’s standard for marriage, and it permission to Moses to allow divorce, was because of the hardness of man’s heart. Moses permitted it, it was never recommended, but then does NOT recommend or permit remarriage to another, as that is adultery. Some interpret this passage to allow remarriage for the one who was not guilty of sexual immortality. It does NOT allow this, particularly when other verse clarify this.

            He is just saying that if someone divorces his wife for any reason other than her immorality, he is NOT allowed to go out and marry another, because that is adultery. Some take this to say, if someone divorces an immoral woman, he is then free to remarry another. The verse does NOT say that. TO understand this we need to understand the culture and the practice of the day, it was often the practice of the man who simply wanted another woman to simply divorce his wife for no moral reason, and then marry the next. Because the sin of adultery was universally condemned and had a definite proscribed punishment from the time of Moses in all the major societies of the time, the Jews, the Greeks, and the Romans all proscribed execution for adultery, and it was biblical and God ordained. The execution of the guilty party, then of course freed the innocent party to remarry, as a widow.

            Some use these verses as giving permission to remarry for divorced people, they clearly do not. Let me illustrate why.

God’s Design in Marriage

            In Ephesians 5, starting with verse 22, Paul gives us God’s design in Marriage. First, he describes the woman’s role by using this language “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as onto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He himself being the Savior of the body.”, and then “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also Loved the church and gave himself up for her…”, he the requites the passage from Genesis that Jesus quoted from before. He then adds this next KEY verse: “This mystery is great; but I am speaking with a reference to Christ and the church”. The church is the BRIDE of Christ, God chose US to be HIS Bride, along with His people Israel, and we have been grafted into the vine of Israel.

Is Remarriage An Option?

            From the beginning when God chose Abraham and his offspring Israel to be His Chosen people, He has treated Israel as his bride. He united and dwelt with them, He protected them, He nourished them, He gave them His Law, and yet Israel has been persistent in their adultery in pursuing other gods. That is what Ezekiel 20 to the end of the book is all about, Israel and her adulteries, and eventual restoration, and the book of Hosea, describes this concept in a smaller time frame. Israel’s adultery has not stopped God from protecting her, providing for her, and even offering Himself up for her up on the Cross, which act offered salvation to the gentile world as well. Revelations describes for us, a remnant of Israel will eventually be reunited with God their maker and husband. This long-suffering patience on His bride’s behalf shows us why His marriage to His people will NOT end, despite her adulteries. He chose her, and so is stuck with her, with the eventual reconciliation with Him, that He has ordained will happen.

            Likewise, this is why the verse Matthew 19:9 is so important, even though adultery has been committed towards their husband God, God has not divorced his bride and gone to marry another. So, likewise we do not have permission to marry another, should our spouse commit adultery. We are one flesh with our spouses, as God is ONE with his people, because He chose them to be His people.

            Let us look at the other verses that make this teaching even clearer. Matthew 5:31, 32 “And it was said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of dismissal; but I say to you, that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery”, and combined with verse 28 “But I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Verse 28 gives the context of verse 31, and 32, because again, it was common for someone to divorce his wife with the aim to marry another, because he already had lusted after her in his heart. Again, these verses do not give permission to remarry, because the penalty for adultery was execution, if there was legitimate cause for one to divorce his wife on that basis. Remarriage was then allowed, because he would be widowed. And yet the punishment was often not applied according to biblical standards, so the man was NOT allowed to marry a divorced woman, because she was still ONE FLESH with another. None of these situations changes God’s design for marriage, ONE Flesh for LIFE. Mark 10 describes the same situation described in Matthew 19, and is more clear from Mark’s perspective what Jesus said, and why He said it. Verses 11 and 12 make it very clear, “whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her, and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.” For this passage to be consistent with the Matthew passages, again, there is NO permission to remarry another, quite the contrary. Luke 16: 18 makes it even clearer where Jesus Christ, taught the disciples on a variety of subjects “Every one who divorces his wife, and marries another, commits adultery: and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.”

            Some may then respond that I Cor. 7:15 says “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.”, and that verse gives permission to remarry. It clearly does NOT. It is referring to stopping a fight, he or she is not chained to the unbeliever, one can let the other one go, and be free for a time from the war. This bondage is NOT referring to the ONE Flesh status of the husband and wife, but legally bound to follow around the unbeliever who leaves. This is made clear earlier in the chapter in verses 10-14. “The wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband) , and that the husband should not send his wife away…. That if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, let him not send his wife away. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not leave her husband (or send him away).” Verse 14 says why Paul tells us to do this “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.” The believing spouse will be a living witness to the Gospel of Christ in their lives, and cover spiritually the unbeliever and even the children. Verse 10 shows us the aim of this standard, it is for eventual reconciliation, or the person is to remain single. No remarriage to another is allowed here! The standard and God’s design is upheld, with the believer sanctifying the marriage, or playing the role to by example illustrate God desire to know His Bride, the church. We as his bride are not always faithful to remain single. No remarriage to another is allowed here! The standard and God’s design is upheld, with the believer sanctifying the marriage, or playing the role to by example illustrated God desire to know His Bride, the church. We as his bride are not always faithful to His calling for us, and yet He waits patiently for our return, and our restoration. Likewise, in the case of divorce, eventual reconciliation and restoration should be the aim, as that is what Our Lord waits for from His Bride, Israel, and His elect Gentiles, who have been grafted onto the vine Israel, restoration and fulfillment of His plans for His Bride, the Church.

            In abusive situations, perhaps separation is vital, or even allowing the other to divorce, but the aim should always be eventual reconciliation with the other half of the one flesh. One wrong, of a man leaving his wife, committing adultery, and remarrying another is not fixed by the spouse doing likewise, it complicates it immeasurably, and both parties have now committed adultery, and will suffer the consequences of that deliberate sin.

            Verse 10 gives the only other option for the spouse that leaves, if reconciliation is not possible, remain single. That is that, remain single. Do not remarry, as that is adultery, according to the other scriptures we looked at before.

            God has not divorced and cast away His people, Israel, but still waits patiently for the remnant that will return to Him. Is it mean or unreasonable of Him to ask the same for us if we claim the label “Christian”? To wait for the errant spouse, to wait for reconciliation, at least on the spiritual level? Of course not, He does not ask of us anything He is not already doing on our behalf, on His people’s behalf.

What Options Do Christians Have?

            Well, we can wait as God waits, and trust God to do His work, because we believe His word for US. A woman who is divorced and becomes a Christian afterwards, can be a living example for her kids, and for her unbelieving ex-spouse, and even the new wife of her ex-spouse. The woman will be taken care of by God, as His Bride, and used to be an example of patient Christian faith in the lives of all who observe her patient faith in God. But, if she remarries, she becomes just like the man who committed the breach in the first place, and the example is lost. She becomes just like him, with no one really knowing what happened or caring.

            Likewise, if a Christian is divorced by the unbelieving wife, He can be the husband who still loves his wife as Christ Loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, meanwhile waiting for reconciliation as God waits for His people to reconcile. He likewise can be the example for his kids, and his ex-spouse, in his life, in his patient Trust in God’s provision for him also. This can and will have the same effect, eventual reconciliation and restoration, at least on the spiritual level. Again it solves nothing for him to go marry another, but complicates it by another sin, and the consequences it brings for each party and the children. The example is lost, and the illustration of God and the Church is destroyed, and to the view of the world, the man becomes just like her, with the world not really knowing or caring what really happened. The image of Christ and the Church is destroyed.

Who Is The Author Of The Destruction of The Family, and This Design?

            Satan, and only through following God’s Word, can his war against us be won by God’s people.

Summary

            When can a Christian remarry another?

            ONLY when widowed.   

            What options do Christians have otherwise?

1)      Reconciliation with the ex-spouse

2)      Remain happily single for God to bring restoration or reconciliation in His Timing.

There are no other biblical Options, there are worldly options, and if one chooses those worldly options one will reap what they have sown. In their act of adultery. And I John 2:3, 4 shows what the true state of their heart is.

What if a couple on their second marriage become Christians and recognizes what they did was wrong, and repent of the heart attitude and confess their sin, stopping the making of excuses for their sin?

Well, in that case, they become as any other Christian, new creatures and I John 1:9 applies. And God can restore and reconcile on the spiritual level, and build their new marriage together to become a proper example of a Truly Transformed Life. That God’s illustration of Ephesians 5:32 becomes true again.

God’s design for marriage is to illustrate the relationship He desires to have with US. That is why we have to follow the designer’s rules for marriage. Any other’s rules acts in the devil’s plan, to destroy that illustration of Christ and the Church.

May God bless the Doing of His Word!